{"id":12565,"date":"2019-05-23T15:43:38","date_gmt":"2019-05-23T15:43:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/948294437a.nxcli.io\/?p=12565"},"modified":"2019-05-24T00:53:28","modified_gmt":"2019-05-24T00:53:28","slug":"questions-leaders-must-stop-asking-and-what-to-ask-instead","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alpsleadership.com\/index.php\/2019\/05\/23\/questions-leaders-must-stop-asking-and-what-to-ask-instead\/","title":{"rendered":"Questions Leaders Must Stop Asking- And What to Ask Instead"},"content":{"rendered":"
By \u2014Phil Liebman, CEO and Founder, ALPS Leadership<\/h5>\n

Voltaire wrote, “Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers.” Great questions empower people to think, learn and grow. The strength of any good leader can be measured in the quality of the questions they ask. Powerful questions can lead people to explore, expand and perform to their potential.<\/p>\n

\n

It is the questions we ask ourselves that form who we are, and the questions we pose to others that shows them who that is.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Not all questions are equal. Questions can be playful and lie at the heart of pure childlike curiosity. Questions can show our naivety or display our wisdom. Some questions are benign and pepper idle conversation. Some are thorny and meant to antagonize or carry veiled agendas behind them. And there are plenty of “bad” questions that do not accomplish what they are intended for. There also are good and even brilliant questions that change the course of lives and the histories of civilizations.<\/p>\n

All science is inquiry driven by the power of questions in the pursuit of discovery and knowledge. Carl Sagan suggested that \u201cWe make our world significant by the courage of our questions and by the depth of our answers.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Sir Isaac Newton asked, “if the apple falls, does the moon also fall?<\/em>” And Einstein pondered, “What if I rode a beam of light?<\/em>” Their queries became the foundations for modern physics and the significant innovations that followed.<\/p>\n

But the power of questions doesn’t just unlock the mysteries of the universe, it also unlocks the creative forces of our minds. This is true of both the questions we are asked – and the questions we ask ourselves.<\/p>\n

President Robert F. Kennedy’s famously reframed a fundamental question, “ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country<\/em>” and inspired a generation of civic contribution and a new sense of patriotism. Ordering people to change their thinking would hardly produce the results that asking a new and better question did. Simply suggesting that people think differently is almost always ineffective.<\/p>\n

Just as Questions Can Leverage Our Hopes and Dreams – They Have the Power to Diminish Our Performance<\/h2>\n

Most reasonable-minded people understand how snarky rhetorical questions can be used as weapons. Parents are encouraged to elevate their children’s self-esteem and to avoid asking damaging questions like, “How stupid are you?” or “What on earth is wrong with you?” Yet we ask disempowering questions like these of ourselves all the time.<\/p>\n

\n

Asking ourselves disabling questions is an unforced error we can learn to avoid by becoming better question-askers.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Much of the “garbage-self-talk” people engage in is in the form of questions like, “why does this always happen to me?” or “when will this stop?” There is no evidence that I’ve ever seen that suggests that self-defeating behaviors will help us improve our performance. The evidence suggests the opposite.<\/p>\n

The quality of the question we ask are determined by both our intentions and by the skills we develop as questioners.<\/p>\n

One of hallmarks of bad-bosses is sarcastic, demeaning rhetorical questions that are clearly aimed at humiliating the object of their wrath.<\/p>\n

Exceptional leaders tend to be virtuosos as crafting questions that cause others to think deeply and clearly and inspire them to act with appropriate measure.<\/p>\n

Becoming skilled at asking questions begins with understanding that all questions are not equal. We must learn the distinction between bad, good and great questions and then develop habits around using questions appropriately and efficaciously.<\/p>\n

\n

Great questions are powerful, and they empower both the inquirer and the responder.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

The art of asking great questions is a combination of intention and skill<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Let’s start with intentions.<\/p>\n

Your goal should be to first discern the difference between questions that enhance people’s performance from those that diminish their competence. You must then commit to learning what it takes to become a fully-competent question-asker; someone who wields great questions in order to accomplish noble things<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Learning new habits generally requires breaking existing ones. Unless you see a noble purpose in becoming a virtuoso question-maker – it is unlikely you will change. You may even notice that your resistance to change is often formed in the questions you ask yourself. You might wonder, “what’s the point?” “Is it really worth the effort?” You may find it’s easier to talk yourself out of challenging yourself – and that you prefer problems you cannot solve – over solutions that you do not like.<\/p>\n

Some of our intentions are more less personal and more global. The current status-quo is filled with adages that undermine human potential. Just like, “if it isn’t broken, why fix it? is an affront to innovation, the idea that “there is no such thing as a dumb question” defies reason and undermines human performance.<\/p>\n

The intention behind the no-dumb-questions movement may be to encourage people to speak-up – but the message is all wrong. It may be a politically correct nicety we embrace in order to encourage those who are fearful to find their voices and be heard, but the effort often produces the exact opposite of its intended purpose.<\/p>\n

\n

People are judged by the questions they pose – we can use our questions to manage the impressions people form about us.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

How often do you observe people who use their questions just to appear more intelligent or better informed than the others in the room? And have you ever found yourself rolling your eyes in judgement of a question that has already been asked and answered – or just as no correlation to the conversation at hand?<\/p>\n

Just because we declare that there are “no dumb questions” – and we may refrain from ridiculing people for asking questions that indicate they are either not paying attention or incapable of understanding the matter in front of them – does not mean we are not using that information to form an opinion as to their fitness for duty. Nor should we in the case of assessing our leaders.<\/p>\n

As leaders, questions we pose that diminish rather than enhance the resourcefulness or capabilities of those we lead are in effect dumb questions. <\/strong><\/p>\n

When you fail to recognize that we have the power to increase the competence and performance of others by asking powerful questions – you are in effect undermining your capacity as a leader, and likely holding people back from understanding and realizing their individual potential. You not only fail to inspire exceptional performance – you might actually stand in the way.<\/p>\n

The same is true of the questions we ask ourselves.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

The questions we habitually ask ourselves can either quiet or amplify the noise in our heads. Self-doubt is nurtured and amplified by disempowering questions.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

We tend to become paralyzed by disempowering self-questioning. For some people it keeps them out of the game altogether. Their questions point to self-victimization and are the basis for making excuses rather than finding solutions to problems.<\/p>\n

And for others, particularly those who have enjoyed a fair amount of success or are unaccustomed to failure – self-defeating questions can stop you in your tracks.<\/p>\n

External motivation from things like self-help books and seminars don’t do the trick. The only true source of motivation is what comes from within us. One of the most powerful drivers of personal performance is the pursuit of personal satisfaction: the joy you experience when you accomplish things that are meaningful, significant and positive.<\/p>\n

Here is the strategy for developing or improving your skills:<\/h2>\n

To change your behavior you have to change the questions you ask.<\/p>\n

\n

If you want better results, you have to ask better questions.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Improving your question-making skills is a three-prong approach: things you need to start doing, stop doing or keep doing.<\/p>\n

Our relationship to the questions we reach for automatically is a function of habits, that in many cases, rise the level of feeling instinctive about our survival. This means giving up go-to behaviors and pushing yourself outside of your personal comfort zone. When facing this kind of inner resistance – it isn’t a matter of learning what to do, you must learning how to be<\/em>.<\/p>\n

What to “be” might include, more:<\/p>\n

    \n
  • Courageous<\/li>\n
  • Determined<\/li>\n
  • Curious<\/li>\n
  • Selective<\/li>\n
  • Focused<\/li>\n
  • Patient<\/li>\n
  • Mindful<\/li>\n
  • Driven<\/li>\n
  • Purposeful<\/li>\n
  • Inspired<\/li>\n
  • Resourceful<\/li>\n
  • Competent<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    Or, perhaps, less:<\/em><\/p>\n

      \n
    • Impatient<\/li>\n
    • Scattered<\/li>\n
    • Meticulous<\/li>\n
    • Emotional<\/li>\n
    • Intense<\/li>\n
    • Selective<\/li>\n
    • Driven<\/li>\n
    • Stubborn<\/li>\n
    • Distracted<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

      These are all things you must be <\/em>– because they are not things you can do<\/em>! ( For example, we cannot “do” curious: we are either curious or not.) These are states of being that serve as resources that inform how we act – and what we do.<\/p>\n

      Our default states are a matter of the habits we have hardwired into our routine patterns of behavior. Whenever you notice you are not sufficiently resourceful to accomplish your aims, the first thing to examine is what state is holding you back and what state would propel you forward.<\/p>\n

      Becoming More Resourceful<\/strong><\/p>\n

      Resourcefulness is a matter of choice. We become more resourceful by making ourselves more competent, meaning able to connect your competencies (skills, knowledge and talent) to a sense of purpose that causes you to accomplish things that are meaningful, significant and positive.<\/p>\n

      Competence is a function of learning and learning requires we operate in the learning-mode – versus the knowing-mode. Placing ourselves in learning-mode requires intellectual humility and the vulnerability of not knowing. In the knowing-mode we seek the safety of what we know and believe – and become victims of our comfort zone.<\/p>\n

      \n

      Learning requires we get comfortable with the idea of being uncomfortable.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

      Questions are the genesis of all learning – and they are also the product. <\/strong><\/p>\n

      Evidence of real learning can be discovered in questions that emerge from a deeper or broader understanding if what we observe and experience.<\/p>\n

      Not all questions support learning. Some questions take us out of learning-mode – by either reinforcing what we think we know – or stoking fears that cause us to retreat into our comfort zone – or to simply hide.<\/p>\n

      \n

      Among the more debilitating questions we ask ourselves are those that fall into two categories: the questions we can’t answer – and the ones we don’t want to answer because we are afraid to.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

      \"\"

      Stonehenge provokes questions that have no firm answers. \u00a92018 PRLiebman<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n

      You can not answer questions that have no answers. These amount to philosophical debates around faith, religion and the mysteries of the universe. We might choose to believe our answers are true whether they serve us or not.<\/p>\n

      Some people choose to believe that they are being punished by God or some external force. No one knows exactly why or how Stonehenge was built – or how large the universe is. We might rely on explanations that fit our own personal agenda, or choose to be victims of the volatility and uncertainty in the world, or even blame our circumstances on the complexity and ambiguity.<\/p>\n

      According to Harvard University based research, this volatility, uncertainty, complexity and ambiguity – or VUCA state we often find ourselves thwarted or even paralyzed by – can only be countered by creative thinking. And creative thinking requires that we operate in the learning-mode – and focus on questions rather than the answers we are more comfortable with.<\/p>\n

      The art of leadership tends to be counter-intuitive in this way. Leaders have historically relied on well-planned command-and-control management of organizations. It’s easy to believe that your job is to be in control -and that you had better have command of all the pertinent information you need to act on.<\/p>\n

      Conversely, you might choose to be inspired by things that challenge your beliefs – and find purpose in courageously exploring the unknown. <\/em><\/p>\n

      \n

      It seems that this kind courage is in short supply in modern society. It may just be that we have replaced the honor of being courageous with the acceptance that comfort is a basic right.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

      Modern pop-culture paints images of heroic courage as being macho. We should be hard, forceful and determined, and the idea of something as soft and unstructured as creativity looks feeble.<\/p>\n

      We have been indoctrinated by deductive logic – finding our way to “the” right answer, when the nature of present reality suggests that there may not be a single answer – and the best choice often comes down to being intuitive. Inductive reasoning tends to open-up possibilities – while deductive reasoning is always about narrowing our choices.<\/p>\n

      \n

      The questions we are afraid to ask often fall into the kind of performance disabling behavior that Dr. Lee Thayer observes about people in general; preferring problems they cannot solve over solutions they do not like.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

      When our strategy is to remain comfortable – or as Pink Floyd suggests, “comfortably numb,” we avoid the kind of hard questions that may force us to either look closely at ourselves, or worse, reveal ourselves to the world. We also stop learning, stop growing and ultimately stop living. We might technically be medically alive – but inhabiting a joyless and purposeless existence. Without the satisfaction of making some kind of worthwhile contribution, as Viktor Frankl describes in “Man’s Search for Meaning,” people fail to thrive and are more likely to perish.<\/p>\n

      We can often recognize this hollowed-out existence in self-victimizing rhetorical questions. Common examples include questions such as:<\/p>\n

        \n
      • Why does this always happen to me?<\/li>\n
      • Why can’t I get this right?<\/li>\n
      • What’s wrong with me?<\/li>\n
      • Why do I always fail?<\/li>\n
      • What’s the point?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

        Any of these questions, can, of course, be perfectly reasoned inquiries about your present condition -provided the point is to interrogate reality – and they are borne of genuine curiosity.<\/p>\n

        \n

        People stuck in the knowing-mode seek certainty in their assumptions and issue rhetorical questions offered as tokens of confirmation.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

        A seemingly small change in strategy can yield big changes in personal leadership performance<\/h2>\n

        Anyone with a sense of noble purpose that compels them to pursue meaningful and significant accomplishments will eventually have their capacity and performance challenged. It is the plight of all virtuoso performers – those who are always hungry for improvement and sufficiently dissatisfied with anything that becomes status quo. You hit the wall or feel as if you have bumped up against the ceiling and must dig deep to learn what you need to know to take you beyond where you are stuck.<\/p>\n

        You might ask yourself “what do I do now?<\/em>” or “how do I get past this?<\/em>” These may seem reasonable, but are actually disempowering.<\/p>\n

        In reality – you are doing what you know to do. You are doing your best to break through. The problem isn’t what you are doing, it’s not realizing what you might need to be – in order to accomplish your aims.<\/p>\n

        The powerful questions you need to ask yourself focus on learning, growing and becoming more capable and more competent than you are presently. Questions that guide this kind of learning include:<\/p>\n

          \n
        • What don’t I know that I need to know in order to accomplish this?<\/li>\n
        • What am I being that is holding me back?<\/li>\n
        • What do I need to be (that perhaps makes me uncomfortable) in order to push forward?<\/li>\n
        • What am I no longer willing to tolerate not having?<\/li>\n
        • What am I no longer willing to tolerate having in my way?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

          When you recognize that leadership is first and foremost about how we lead our lives, and that how we lead our lives is determined by the questions we ask, it becomes clear that becoming a virtuoso question-maker is paramount to your performance.<\/p>\n

          Reaching your potential as a leader of your life – or of your family, your company or your community will be shaped by the questions you ask of yourself and the questions to pose to others.<\/p>\n

          It is not how well you “do” this. It is whether you are willing to dedicate yourself to become someone who is truly exceptional at making powerful questions the cornerstone of your performance as a leader. It is something you must aim to be – and be willing to do the hard work required of becoming someone who can.<\/p>\n<\/div>

          <\/div>
          <\/div><\/div>
          <\/div>
          \"No<\/div>\n

          Phil Liebman is the Founder and CEO at ALPS Leadership – Where we help people fully competent, truly exceptional leaders.<\/p>\n

          Phil has also been a Group Chairman with Vistage Worldwide since 2005 – where he helps leaders realize their potential by learning with and from other leaders. He is the author of the soon-to-be published book, “Cultivating MoJo:\u00a0How competent leaders inspire exceptional performance.”<\/p>\n<\/div><\/span>

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