{"id":13221,"date":"2020-08-03T20:54:04","date_gmt":"2020-08-03T20:54:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/948294437a.nxcli.io\/?p=13221"},"modified":"2020-08-04T15:26:40","modified_gmt":"2020-08-04T15:26:40","slug":"do-you-care-enough-to-care-ruthlessly","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alpsleadership.com\/index.php\/2020\/08\/03\/do-you-care-enough-to-care-ruthlessly\/","title":{"rendered":"Do You Care Enough to Care Ruthlessly?"},"content":{"rendered":"

A Leadership Imperative:<\/em><\/h2>\n

The concepts of caring and ruthlessness seem justifiably incompatible. They actually contradict each other. Ruthless literally mean lacking compassion, even demonstrating cruelty. But as a function of leadership it makes perfect sense. The capacity to care ruthlessly is one of the critical qualities that define exceptional leadership.<\/p>\n

Most people understand the concept of \u201ctough love.\u201d While it can be challenging to resist being compliant with the demands of people we care deeply about, the risk of enabling unhealthy and especially dangerous behavior amounts to being compassionate. Parents, spouses and friends eventually come to understand we not only risk causing harm and even physical injury to those we enable \u2013 but realize that there are often other potential innocent victims that we must remove from harm\u2019s way.<\/p>\n

Tough love often means making painful choices that require courage and a commitment to discipline tied to a clear sense that we are not just doing something good \u2013 we are doing what is necessary.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Leaders face similar challenges. You may find yourself enabling behaviors of employees that are self-destructive in terms of their personal growth and professional advancement \u2013 and harmful to the organization.<\/p>\n

Whenever you tolerate poor performance \u2013 or make excuses for incompetence \u2013 you are not only risking harm to the performance of the business \u2013 you are actually depriving those employees of the opportunity to become competent performers.\u00a0\u00a0How much of the dysfunction within your business is a result of the poor performance you tolerate?<\/p>\n

Your role as a leader is to guide and support the performance of others \u2013 so that they can contribute to a greater good.\u00a0<\/strong><\/h3>\n

\u00a0Leadership is not lining people up into position. It is getting people to perform in a way that serves a defined collective purpose \u2013 by choosing to get themselves in line.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

This is a balancing act that helps people choose to behave in service to a greater good rather than for their own personal needs. Studies (and common sense) show that people actually\u00a0\u00a0perform better when they are willing to contribute to a shared purpose. Exceptional leadership causes people to feel inspired to perform conscientiously and stretch themselves beyond the point where they begin to feel uncomfortable.<\/p>\n

The passion and perseverance that Angela Duckworth describes in her best-selling book \u201cGrit\u201d is most observable in organizations where there is the presence of exceptional leadership.<\/p>\n

When you see someone who demonstrates grit \u2013 you might correctly assume that it is just their constitution or their personality. While there are people who don\u2019t require any outside intervention to get themselves to perform to their highest potential, it is safe to say they are not the majority of people working jobs.<\/p>\n

When we see a group of high-performers working effectively as a team \u2013 you can be assured \u2013 that team wasn\u2019t assembled by accident. You can also be confident that leadership of that group had something to do with their performance. High-performers tend to be competitive \u2013 and not necessarily strong team players. While they typically do not have much patients for engaging with poor performers \u2013 or anyone who interferes with their ability to go about their business \u2013 they don\u2019t tend to effortlessly gravitate into the company of other high-performers.<\/p>\n

But they are attracted to leaders who recognize their capacity to perform and ensure that their accomplishments are both meaningful and valued. The highest performers, those we consider true virtuosos tend to be especially independent. Their inner drive for improvement creates a sense of self-satisfaction that is more gratifying than external rewards. It takes exceptional leadership to harness this energy \u2013 and focus it on accomplishing extraordinary things that would be otherwise\u00a0\u00a0impossible.<\/p>\n

Leadership is especially critical to teams of high-performers. Not just for direction and cohesion \u2013 but for the performance of the team itself.<\/p>\n

A close examination of teams of high-performers clearly shows that the team\u2019s performance is dependent on their being effective leadership. Navy SEAL teams in training are a clear example.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

In their book, \u201cExtreme Ownership: How US Navy SEALs Lead and Win,\u201d\u00a0Jocko Willink & Leif Babin describe that during \u201chell week\u201d where candidates are tested in teams under extreme stress have demonstrated that failing teams can be turned around by replacing the team leader. In other words, leadership matters even when dealing with elite talent.<\/p>\n

How Should Leaders Demonstrate That They Care?<\/strong><\/h3>\n

The answer depends on how you understand what it means to demonstrate caring.<\/p>\n

Everyone cares about something \u2013 but not everyone cares about the same things.\u00a0\u00a0It\u2019s also not what you care about\u00a0\u00a0– but how you express it.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

If by caring you mean a leader should exhibit warmth and compassion \u2013 the evidence suggests the answer could be no. There are countless examples of highly effective leaders who were predictably harsh. There is also strong evidence suggesting that leaders who get too friendly with those in their charge may be compromising their authority or undermining their appearance of fairness by exhibiting favoritism towards their friends.<\/p>\n

Being a tyrant, or a boor will not make you a better leader \u2013 but choosing to be tough \u2013 even if it means appearing to be unfriendly might \u2013 provided you can demonstrate a combination of empathy and emotional intelligence.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Many successful leaders deliberately avoid being warm and fuzzy, instead posturing themselves serious-minded and determined. But posing with a tough exterior doesn\u2019t mean you can\u2019t also possess genuine empathy. You don\u2019t need to hug people, pat them on the back – or soothe ruffled emotions to show you care.<\/p>\n

Often caring takes the form of being honest, direct when necessary and consistent.\u00a0\u00a0Sometimes the best medicine for people who are struggling or foundering is a strong dose of reality. When the prescription is delivered callously the treatment might just make things worse. But people who\u00a0\u00a0demonstrate empathy and manage their emotional intelligence get through to people without enabling the behavior that allows people to get in their own way \u2013 and stay there.<\/p>\n

You must distinguish the difference between caring for \u2013 and caring about someone.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Ruthlessly caring is an art. It requires that you understand hat caring\u00a0about\u00a0<\/em>and caring\u00a0for<\/em>\u00a0people are actually two very different things.<\/p>\n

Caring for amounts to taking care of the physical needs of others. (The snow monkey carrying her young for example.) Caring about people is an emotional imperative. Caring about people is based on feelings we have \u2013 while caring for people can be a simple, unemotional transactional relationship. The problem leaders face is when they conflate the two kinds of caring.<\/p>\n

It is not unusual to develop feelings for people we care for. Empathy is a function of emotional intelligence \u2013 and a natural tendency for most emotionally healthy people. This is not to say that it is always the case \u2013 as it is also quite common for people to grow to resent people we are forced to care for \u2013 especially if we see that the ought to be able to care for themlseves.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

We have a duty to care for people that cannot care for themselves: infants, the elderly and the infirm. Most any ordinary person with any compassion feels this way. Anyone who doesn\u2019t or can\u2019t would be considered a sociopath.<\/p>\n

Similarly, most caring people look to encourage those who can care for themselves to learn how to do so. This is core to the responsibilities and probably the nature of parenting: we aspire to see our children grow up to be independently self-reliant \u2013 and ideally productive members of society. We heal the wounded so they might return to living productive lives \u2013 and even strive to offer as much independence as possible to the most elderly in order to not just provide comfort \u2013 but dignity as well.<\/p>\n

The principle of leaving no soldier behind is deeply embedded in the U.S. military. Beyond the strategic benefits, the concept is based in a moral sensibility: a duty to those who serve the same cause and take the same risks. In a practical sense \u2013 it means that we carry those who cannot carry themselves \u2013 no matter the cost.<\/p>\n

This is where leadership comes into the equation. The cost of carrying those who ought to carry themselves is far too great. You must carry those who truly cannot transport themselves. But those who can but simply don\u2019t \u2013 need to be pushed forward, and those who can but won\u2019t \u2013 meaning those who choose not to, need to be pushed aside \u2013 or perhaps carried as prisoners, stripped of their right to choose.<\/p>\n

We may have a duty to care for those who cannot care for themselves, but we also a responsibility to have those who can care for themselves take ownership of their own needs \u2013 and the consequences of choosing not to.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Ruthlessly Caring vs. Showing Tough Love<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Both are similar in function. You must be willing and able to place responsibility where it belongs \u2013 and not shield people from the consequences of their behaviors or performance.<\/p>\n

To be effective, tough love has to be employed on people who otherwise know you love them. In other words, you cannot offer tough love to strangers \u2013 or even those you have a professional relationship with \u2013 like your employees.<\/p>\n

Walking by and ignoring a street beggar is not an expression of tough love. Nor is a teacher giving a failing grade to an underperforming student. It\u2019s only when the beggar grows to depend on your predictable generosity \u2013 or that student expects to scrape by without studying \u2013 that the purposeful withholding of your support might lead to a positive change in behavior.<\/p>\n

Similarly, as a leader, caring ruthlessly will only work if those you lead know you actually care.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Theodore Roosevelt noted that \u201cPeople don\u2019t care how much you know until they know how much you care.\u201d People might look to you for guidance \u2013 but will only follow your guidance when they understand that there is common interest between you.<\/p>\n

Most employers feel that they have a responsibility to their employees and take genuine interest in their lives. I have actually never met a business leader who has made a point of not caring about the people that work for them. It not only doesn\u2019t make business sense to have unhappy employees \u2013 most business leaders find enormous satisfaction and joy in providing good lives and opportunity for others. It\u2019s one of the great benefits of being in a position to do so.<\/p>\n

Leaders who ruthlessly care about their people . The recipient may not recognize it as such \u2013 at least in the moment \u2013 however, without caring about the recipients wellbeing it is unlikely you will have much impact. The saying goes, \u201cyou cannot confer a benefit on an unwilling (or incapable) recipient. Your efforts may fail regardless, but to be an effective leader you must make the effort non-the-less.<\/p>\n

Being tough and lacking empathy amounts to bullying. When you are in a position of authority or have power over others \u2013 exercising that power for your own benefit is not leadership \u2013 it is intimidation.<\/p>\n

Finally, lacking true empathy \u2013 and coming across warm and fuzzy is pure manipulation. It is how con-artists operate. It is a pure violation of the basic trusting nature of people.<\/p>\n

Empathy \u2013 when combined with an evolved employment of emotional intelligence is the foundation of exceptional leadership.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

When people freely follow a leader it is because they trust how they are being led. People can trust a leader that they disagree with \u2013 or even dislike. The functional trust around leadership is based solely on the belief that what can be accomplished is worth the sacrifice.<\/p>\n

You don\u2019t necessarily trust the leader as a person \u2013 but you trust their leadership. It is a function of believing that there is a shared interest being pursued \u2013 or that the leader cares about what\u2019s important to you. As General Eisenhower noted, leaders get people to do what you need them to do by getting them to want to do it. People need to be able to grasp what their leader cares about.<\/p>\n

People with low emotional intelligence and little to no empathy are considered to be sociopaths. They can sometimes manipulate and bully their way into positions of power. They may amass legions of sycophants as followers who believe they can tap into the source of power for their own personal benefit. This is\u00a0\u00a0the process whereby political autocrats seize power \u2013 and enlist a privileged class of followers and well-compensated enforcers of that power.<\/p>\n

This kind of typically ruthless behavior \u2013 is not caring. It is villainous. Moreover, it is a perilous position that stands only as long as the enforcers are kept from overtaking the castle.<\/p>\n

Ruthlessly caring bears no resemblance to autocratic control: it is a function of functioning in a state of contribution. It is clear to those being served that the ruthlessly caring leader is operating in service to a greater good \u2013 something larger and beyond themselves. Some people refer to this level of altruism as \u201cservant leadership,\u201d where the needs of the organization are placed firmly ahead of the enrichment or aggrandizing of the leader.<\/p>\n

A Leadership Imperative:<\/strong><\/h3>\n

If you are truly a leader \u2013 you already know that leadership is hard work. It is often tireless, thankless and unforgiving. It is now about seeking glory or rewards \u2013 there are far easier ways to achieve these things.<\/p>\n

Leadership is about making a difference in the world by making it necessary and possible for others to do so. Unless you care deeply about your purpose \u2013 and about how other people perform to serve that purpose \u2013 you are unlikely to make the sacrifices needed to be a highly effective and exceptional leader.<\/p>\n

But if you do have the mettle to lead others you must have what it takes to make people see what is necessary and understand that accomplishing whatever that is \u2013 is possible. Moreover, you must help them inspire themselves to make what is possible necessary to them.<\/p>\n

When you do anything less than make it necessary for people to perform to this level \u2013 and perform to their real potential \u2013 you are, as Dr. Lee Thayer would say, allowing people to default themselves \u2013 and by doing defaulting on your responsibility to them as a leader.<\/p>\n

Learning to ruthlessly care about people is a necessary function of accomplishing what<\/p>\n

matters most. The most worthwhile of human accomplishments are always the product of people doing what others believed could not be done. It is not a function of being delusional\u00a0\u00a0– but the result of being purposeful and competent.<\/p>\n

Do you care enough to care ruthlessly?<\/p>\n

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