Some people say, “if you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life.” While it may seem like enticing advice to some, there are at least two flaws in the thinking. One is the assumption that “work” is drudgery we might avoid. The other is that pursuing the things you love, or more likely, enjoy doing, is purely a function of the things you do, rather than how you choose to feel about them.<\/p>\n
Both flaws flow from a common habit of magical thinking that may stand in the way of achieving the life you think you deserve or even want. Beyond the fact that “magical thinking” never really solves life’s problems, the real solution often comes from doing things you don’t love or even like. The paradox is that loving what you do is typically the result of needing to do difficult, unpleasant, or even tedious things. Deferring gratification is the foundation of emotional intelligence and what allows you to prepare yourself to accomplish something meaningful and gratifying. There are no shortcuts to the preparation it takes to accomplish what matters most.<\/p>\n
Loving what you do comes from what you accomplish, not what you do. <\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Loving what you do is different from loving a person or your dog. The powerful emotions we equate with love of other living things are a function of a bond. You can connect with living beings, while it is impossible to do so with inanimate objects. Your car, favorite books, or home will never love you back. Some people prefer this kind of love for the very reason that it is a one-way deal. Yet, even the unrequited love for another person is different. You can unselfishly love someone who might even profess to despise you. It is clearly the case with the tough love sometimes needed to care for people who are unable or unwilling to care for themselves. It may feel joyless in the moment, but there is a sense of overriding satisfaction from what you accomplish through adversity. There is even some satisfaction in just knowing that what you are doing is necessary and pursuing a greater good.<\/p>\n
Loving what you do comes from what you accomplish, not what you do. When people say that they love what they do \u2013 chances are they are explaining that what they do is a source of joy.<\/p>\n
Joy is different from pleasure. You can get pleasure from things that neither serve you nor anyone else. Pleasure can be hedonistic or self-destructive \u2013 and carry disappointment and remorse in its wake. Pleasures can also be benign distractions from things that seem dissatisfying. But pleasant distractions will not bring about any real satisfaction. At best, it will bring fleeting happiness that tends to dissipate if we normalize those behaviors. Going out to a nice dinner feels more special when you do it infrequently, but you might grow weary of eating out all the time and instead crave the satisfaction of preparing and enjoying a good home-cooked meal. Moreover, preparing and sharing such a meal is often an expression of love that brings tremendous personal satisfaction \u2013 and joy.<\/p>\n
Satisfaction is not a reward bestowed upon you. You discover satisfaction in the meaning you make of things. Small accomplishments can be as deeply rewarding as enormous successes in life. And focusing on those small successes often leads to the greater ones.<\/p>\n
Loving what you do is really finding great joy in what you accomplish based on what you believe to be meaningful and significant. Exacting tough love on a family member can be enormously difficult but equally gratifying. You may not love having to do so, but you find deep satisfaction in knowing you are doing your best and doing what is needed.<\/p>\n
Taking a dream vacation to an exotic destination may feel satisfying, but often the accomplishments associated with the trip are more rewarding. For some, it is saving up to afford the trip. It can be in the planning or perhaps in sharing the experience with someone you love. The trip may fade to memories and a collection of photographs, but the satisfaction of making that happen will carry with you for a long time.<\/p>\n
When you “stop and smell the roses,” you might discover that loving what you do is about allowing yourself to thrive in the uncertainty of life rather than struggling to create the certainty you think you desire.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Similarly, spontaneously discovering someplace magnificent might also bring you the satisfaction of having allowed your curiosity to guide you to somewhere unknown. Your ability to be flexible, mindfully take notice of things, and appreciate small wonders can be even more rewarding than an expensive and time-consuming vacation.<\/p>\n
When you “stop and smell the roses,” you might discover that loving what you do is about allowing yourself to thrive in the uncertainty of life rather than struggling to create the certainty you think you desire. You might find that one of the greatest things you might accomplish is learning to be mindful, to find pleasure in small, simple things \u2013 and to recognize that joy comes from within, not from the externalities of life.<\/p>\n
The idea of not working a day in your life connotes that work might best be avoided. <\/span><\/h3>\n
But most people whose success has also brought them joy will have experienced that their greatest joy was found in the journey, not the destination. The science of emotional intelligence explains this well. The likelihood of success (and happiness) improves with the delaying of gratification. People who can or learn to delay gratification tend to be more successful. That makes sense if you look at the amount of study and preparation to become a surgeon, lawyer, or master at any trade. But deferring gratification also leads to joy in more surprising ways.<\/p>\n
That is where mindfulness comes in. You can learn to mind your mind. Your thoughts are the offspring of your feelings. What you choose to pay attention to and how that shapes your experience also informs how you feel about things. If you choose to see rain as a problem that ruins your plans \u2013 you will feel unhappy. You might feel grateful if you see rain as necessary for flowers to grow, especially after a drought. Positive Intelligence teaches self-command of your thinking rather than trying to exercise self-control. Rather than focusing on eliminating certain habits of thinking, you can instead command better ways of thinking that literally rewire your brain to think and behave differently. What you focus on matters.<\/p>\n
Most people are more likely to endure boredom, exertion, exhaustion, or even great physical pain in the moment when they equate the experience to something worthwhile in the future. Viktor Frankl wrote about this in “Man’s Search for Meaning.”\u00a0 People not only endured but survived the atrocities of concentration camps, helping others in the short term \u2013 and believing that survival was necessary in order to tell the world about the acts of their captors. Whether learning to build a sturdy stone wall or cure deadly diseases, the meaning, you make of the preparation you must undertake allows you to do the work necessary to eventually accomplish what you believe is possible.<\/p>\n
Loving what you do has little to do with what you do and everything to do with the meaning you make of things.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Work itself is neither pleasant nor unpleasant. Things that were once difficult become easy with practice. Unsatisfying things can become accomplishments of great joy. Thomas Edison’s fabled failed attempts to make a lightbulb likely made his ultimate success that much sweeter. Even people forced into hard labor can find satisfaction in discovering ways to cope, preserve their dignity, and find meaning in their suffering imposed at the hands of others.<\/p>\n
Loving what you do has little to do with what you do and everything to do with the meaning you make of things. Hard work tends to be gratifying when you see the product of that work as a significant accomplishment. Indeed, knowing your strengths and understanding your natural talents might help guide you towards some endeavors and away from others. But you will rarely find more satisfaction in the things that come easily to you. More likely, you will find the greatest joy in accomplishing things that matter that you had no was even possible.<\/p>\n
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