{"id":69727,"date":"2023-06-05T17:37:09","date_gmt":"2023-06-05T21:37:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/alpsleadership.com\/?p=69727"},"modified":"2023-06-05T17:37:40","modified_gmt":"2023-06-05T21:37:40","slug":"who-do-you-talk-with-about-how-you-lead-other-than-yourself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alpsleadership.com\/index.php\/2023\/06\/05\/who-do-you-talk-with-about-how-you-lead-other-than-yourself\/","title":{"rendered":"Who Do You Talk with About How You Lead? (Other than Yourself)"},"content":{"rendered":"
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by Phil Liebman, CEO & Founder<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

When I reinvented my current life and career path back in 2003, I felt ill-equipped at the time to influence, much less guide already successful business leaders effectively. It wasn\u2019t that I felt I couldn\u2019t be helpful, and I certainly had the tools, training, resources, and experience to be quite valuable. The problem was that I quickly recognized that the work of coaching and mentoring leaders was more about addressing invisible, ethereal things like thoughts, feelings, and beliefs \u2014 than arming people with specific skills or processes. Helping leaders improve how they manage things is relatively easier than assisting them in improving how they lead people. Things tend to respond predictably to controls and managed improvement, while people resist being controlled and perform more poorly when others manage their behavior.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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A large body of evidence suggests that high performers function best with a good deal of autonomy and clarity of purpose. It doesn\u2019t necessarily mean that autonomy and purpose alone will produce high performance in your people. They need the requisite competencies: the knowledge, skill, talent, and experience to be competent contributors. But there is a gap between these competencies and what it takes for people to be fully competent and accomplish what needs to be done to the highest level of their abilities \u2014or even to the standards simply required. This gap is where leadership is integral to the effectiveness and success of any organization.<\/p>\n

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Without a clear sense of purpose, people tend, at best, to go through the motions. They may do what is minimally required, but the results are typically lackluster.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n

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Without a clear sense of purpose, people tend, at best, to go through the motions. They may do what is minimally required, but the results are typically lackluster. This mediocrity invariably results in dysfunction inside your organization, leaving it vulnerable to the forces of more competent external competition and even the possibility that the internal structures and systems that keep a business running will fail, taking the organization down with it. The role of leadership is to protect the organization from attacks by competitors and from itself. In both cases, the solution is the cultivation of conscientiousness.<\/p>\n

The difference between mediocrity and virtuosity is only partly a matter of people having the necessary competencies but, to a more considerable extent, is defined by how people employ them. Conscientious people feel their efforts connect to a guiding sense of purpose. It is an internal, intrinsic drive that ties to one\u2019s beliefs about right or wrong based on what is necessary and possible. And when things are necessary, conscientious people work diligently to make them possible. It is what drives all sustainably highly successful businesses.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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The problem as a leader is that you cannot test for or measure conscientiousness. You can test for competencies, but the human conscience is invisible. Your beliefs, like all thoughts, are formed in the mind. While thoughts and feelings are a product of your brain function, consciousness exists outside the biological activity of your physical brain matter. While studies using functional MRIs can point to locations in the brain that activate during certain activities or based on the nature of our thoughts, the thoughts themselves are unidentifiable, much less able to be captured. Fortunately, conscientiousness manifests itself in observable behaviors.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Highly conscientious people show up differently than those who accept mediocrity as sufficient for getting by in life. They are driven to be high achievers and tend to focus on accomplishing significant and meaningful things. What you can observe is grit: the quality people demonstrate when they are comfortable being uncomfortable.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Grit shows up in people willing to work harder, longer, and smarter. They prepare themselves to not only perform \u2014 but to perform better today than they did yesterday. They prepare themselves mentally and physically for the tasks they must undertake, and they demonstrate a high degree of emotional intelligence by focusing on results rather than their actions, delaying the gratification of being recognized for simply doing a good job for the deep satisfaction of accomplishing something that they believe matters a great deal.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Grit shows up in people willing to work harder, longer, and smarter. They prepare themselves to not only perform \u2014 but to perform better today than they did yesterday.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

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It is one of the principal reasons that leadership is so difficult. Improving other people\u2019s performance takes more than training for the skills they need; it also requires that people learn to think differently. This applies to you as a leader as well as the people you serve.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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People inspired by the purpose of their actions tend to be naturally conscientious.<\/h2>\n

But people can also be manipulated to perform by leaders who are highly skilled at being persuasive. Being promised fortune, fame, and glory may attract highly motivated people at first. But when those promises turn out to be empty, the rewards are elusive or simply thin, and the level of performance diminishes. People whose actions have been manipulated may perform to their potential for a while, but most people cannot be gulled into performing like dancing bears indefinitely. The highest performers will quickly realize that the capacity for genuine satisfaction is lacking \u2014 as is the joy they crave from their accomplishments. These people will either move on or quietly quit, as we have seen so often reported on in the business press over the past few years. More average performers will also quit but will likely stay and hide their deficiencies and inadequacies, contributing to dysfunction rather than the bottom line.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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The challenge for leaders is nurturing people to find the inspiration to perform to their full potential. The problem is that you cannot teach leaders the empathy, vulnerability, humility, and curiosity needed to be an inspiring leader. You can and must learn these qualities through your experience and with the guidance of your personal values. Skillfully manipulating people for personal gain isn\u2019t particularly easy for most people; however, it is much easier than learning to have what it takes to be an inspiring and exceptional leader.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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When I was training to lead other leaders, one of my mentors noted an intriguing and somewhat obtuse observation attributed to Susan Scott, the author of the book \u201cFierce Conversations.\u201d All conversations are with myself. And sometimes they involve other people<\/i>. This thought resonated strongly as I came to observe that how we speak to ourselves \u2014 and, more importantly, how we listen to our thoughts is critical to our effectiveness as human beings. And as one of my colleagues, Dr. Ozzie Gontang, would say, \u201cTo become a better leader, you must first become a better human being.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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We all have chatter in our heads. Much of this is idle and inconsequential commentary on our surroundings or our feelings. Some are negative and debilitating, while some thoughts spur us through challenges. But the kind of conversations Susan Scott speaks about is not the silent voices in our heads. It is the things we vocalize out loud and expect others to understand precisely as we do. The premise is that we speak to others as if they were us. We presume they understand what we say in the same way that it has meaning to us. Unfortunately, this isn\u2019t always the case, and it is seldom the case at times of critical and emotionally wrought decisions. While we might all hear the same exact words, we derive our sense of meaning from our interpretations. Each of us has experiences that color our understanding of things. Things I associate as being pleasant might very well be repugnant to you.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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It is critical to understand that what you communicate may only be clear to you and perhaps not to those you speak to.<\/h2>\n

It may be that your body language speaks to a different message than the words you use. The words you use might be confusing to those listening. Or, as noted before, the meaning might be misconstrued by your listeners. Dr. Lee Thayer would suggest that the reader is always the writer of the text \u2014 and the listener is the author of the meaning you convey.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Your overall behaviors also color the meaning of your communication. Are you trustworthy? Do people feel safe in your presence? Do you demonstrate kindness and generosity? People will interpret what you say through what they think they know about you. In this respect \u2014 who you are is more important than what you say or do. It is certainly more important than your title or status.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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One way to improve your leadership abilities is to work on developing your emotional intelligence. Expanding awareness of your behaviors and their impact on others is demonstratively possible. Your emotional intelligence can be tested and rated, and the results can guide your personal development. The help of a competent coach or, better yet, a group of peers can be enormously beneficial. Getting direct feedback from the people you influence is even more valuable. Tools like the LCP-360 – from The Leadership Circle offer enormous and clear insight into how others view your behaviors and leadership effectiveness, along with a comparison to how you view those leadership traits yourself.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Shifting your style from being reactive and relying on command and control to direct outcomes to be resourceful and developing more creative leadership tendencies has proven to have a measurable impact on the performance of organizations. It involves the ability to relate to people with greater emotional intelligence while also improving your systems thinking, enabling you to rely upon and work more collaboratively with others to innovate solutions and create sustainable processes. It isn\u2019t easy work, but it is deeply rewarding and entirely possible\u2014if you make it necessary.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Managing things is a science. You can learn to be a good manager or hire others to handle things for you. But you still must effectively lead the people you employ and understand that you cannot possibly manage them. Leading people is an art. It is a profoundly personal experience shaped by your worldview, beliefs, values, and conversations with yourself.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Changing those conversations is a matter of changing your habits. You must first unlearn unproductive habits before you can replace them with more useful ones. The habits that inform your thinking are more difficult to change than those that drive your daily routines. Mindful self-reflection is helpful. But honest, unvarnished feedback is critical to understanding your current habits\u2019 real impact and guiding the new habits you must work to establish. For this reason, the first habit most leaders must address is their ability to accept feedback.<\/p>\n

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Most people believe they are better listeners than the evidence would suggest. That chatter in our head continuously affirms that we are good listeners when we are truly good at listening to ourselves.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n

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Most people believe they are better listeners than the evidence would suggest. That chatter in our head continuously affirms that we are good listeners when we are truly good at listening to ourselves. Most accomplished, success-driven people rely on the sense of confidence that this internal dialogue secures. In the face of challenges, that self-confidence makes you delusional and reliant on confirmation bias from the sycophants you might reward for their support. Instead of listening for the truth, you listen for what you want to hear. Instead of being curious, you reach for certainty and choose to be intransigent. Rather than being vulnerable, you find yourself defensive. And people begin to see you not as an inspired leader and servant of your cause but as a petty human being out for yourself. That is unless you do what it takes to become the leader you need to be.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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You might begin what the proverbial look in the mirror. You may or may not see what you need to. You might have great self-awareness and still have blind spots. You may have the courage to change but lack the strategy and guidance. Or you might stare at yourself like Narcissi and lose yourself in the self-delusion that many people who have attained power and success suffer with. The mirror might not lie, but you can always choose to see what you want to see.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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The conversations we have with ourselves can also be instructive. You can expand your perspective by studying the work of the great philosophers. From the classical philosophy of the ancient Greeks and Romans to the more modern thinkers, you can ponder the critical qualities of virtue from Plato, Socrates, and Aristotle, the self-control (and self-command) extolled by the Stoics, including Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus \u2013 to the more modern writings of Nietzsche, Kant, Heidegger, Kierkegaard, and Sartre \u2014and seek to find insight, balance and meaning through contemplation and reflection. You might become better educated and more thoughtful, but reading alone, absent experience and experimentation, will not likely make you a better leader. It may make you a more thoughtful leader, but not necessarily more effective.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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It has long been clear that you can nurture successful leadership by sharing experience and perspective.<\/h2>\n

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In Philadelphia in 1727, Benjamin Franklin established The Junto, which he called The Leather Apron Club \u2013 where he gathered with his peers to debate questions concerning morals, politics, and natural philosophy and exchange insights and knowledge of business matters. Franklin credited his business success \u2013 and as a leader \u2013 with the benefits of such dialogue with others who shared a similar focus and purpose \u2014 where the diversity of views and experience was the fodder for better thinking and better results.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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There are many options available today offering the same benefits as Franklin saw. Coaching is certainly helpful \u2013 but limited in the absence of the broader perspective and feedback of having a dedicated and trusted Cohort. Coaching combined with such a Junto is a proven catalyst for developing leadership and super-charging business performance. But these are just tools; any tool is only as good as the hands it is in. You must commit to being curious and vulnerable to benefit. Lee Thayer would say, \u201cYou cannot confer a benefit on an unwilling or incapable recipient.\u201d In other words, if you are convinced none of this will work, you are correct. But if you understand what it takes to be the leader you need to be, you will need to think differently. It all begins with your conversations with yourself and then with others.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Leadership matters, and who you talk with about leadership matters too.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>