Reading about Knight’s passing, I recalled a pivotal encounter I had with Dr. Lee Thayer. In my early days as a Fellow at the Thayer Institute, a debate I soundly lost left a lasting impression that I greatly underestimated the importance of until some years later.
Our debate was over what it takes to be an effective leader. Lee Thayer, who happened to have known Knight personally, argued that the measure of a leader is in what you accomplish and that those who found fault with Bob Knight had no idea what value he brought to his players, noting that nearly all those who he guided to their potential and the success that followed revered him. These players all expressed that their coach showed more care and concern for them than anyone else. Bobby Knight’s players respected him. Particularly those players who greatly benefited from his intensity and coaching style, and he didn’t care what other people thought about him or his methods. His aim was not to be liked – only to be helpful to those he could guide towards successful careers.
I came to understand that leadership can be messy. One of the business leaders I admire most is Steve Jobs, in considerable measure because of his flaws as well as his values. In many respects, there is a parallel to the Bobby Knight debate. Jobs was reviled for his often toxic behavior as the CEO at Apple, known to have been a terrible father to his daughter and, worse, didn’t seem to care what anyone thought about him. I admired him because he made clear to me that people who change the world in positive ways can and often do have terrible flaws. I know I have mine, and I believe every one of us could improve upon the things that make us human.
This brings me back to Lee Thayer, who made the point that leadership is always measured only by one’s effectiveness. He also argued that it is the organization that makes the leader successful, not the other way around. Great leaders understand this and make it necessary and possible for people to accomplish the things that serve their great, worthy cause.
The greatest flaw in a leader is not recognizing that it is far better to be respected than to be liked. People don’t march into battle and risk their lives for leaders they like. People trust leaders they respect. And earning such respect may require you to do unpopular things. It may be possible to be both liked and respected, but you must make no mistake about the need to be respected and the things you might do to have people like you that will undermine your effectiveness.
If you confuse your need for people to like you with being effective, you will struggle to make necessary but unpopular decisions. Your desire for people to find you agreeable, approachable, and reasonable when the thing that separates average leaders from exceptional ones amounts to being unreasonable, relentless, and caring ruthlessly about developing and realizing the potential of the people you must rely upon to accomplish the things that matter most.
